Bob Hope roasts C.B DeMille in 1953

While performing research in the DeMille archive at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, I came across this transcript of gags Hope zinged at Cecil B. DeMille.

The occasion was the “Great American” dinner.

The date was November 30, 1953.

Cecil’s been in this business a long time I don’t know exactly when he started but in those days if your radio needed fixing, you called Marconi.

He’s done more for movies than dark balconies.

DeMille has seen all the great advances in movies … talking pictures … Technicolor … 3-D … Marilyn Monroe.

DeMille’s pictures have brought something new to theaters … they’re called customers.

DeMille’s a very unusual man in this business. He’s a sort of combination of Louis Mayer … Picasso … and Fort Knox.

Cecil B. DeMille is Mr. Hollywood … even Hedda and Louella agree on that.


And his picture know-how is amazing. He picked the perfect time to go into pictures … before taxes.

When he takes a picture the assistant director on the set yells, “Quiet! First take … second scene … third psalm.”

I understand his next Bible picture is going to be in color …. well, not exactly in color, they’re shooting the whole thing through a stained glass window.

But C.B. has brought some amazing changes. Now the Bible comes in three editions: Old Testament, New Testament, and final shooting script.

His pictures have spoiled all the kids. Now they won’t go to Sunday School unless they put in a popcorn machine.

But C.B’s pictures and mine have a lot in common. His pictures lift an audience spiritually. Mine not only lift an audience, they move it right out into the street.